I wasn’t going to blog about such things. I really do mean to focus on my primary objective and avoid wasting time on anything else.
However, just moments ago I just opened the Final Order/assessment of a $503.68 “civil” penalty to the Horning for Governor campaign for what was, perhaps, the all-time most trivial offense against Indiana Election Commission paperwork.
We failed to properly close-out our meagerly funded campaign and report the money we didn’t make by their deadline. That’s it.
But the whopping fine, amounting to a huge percentage of what my campaign raised, is not what I’m writing about.
(though, in case you’re wondering, I am miffed about all that).
No, I’m really writing about the two (2) quarter-sheet notices slipped into the envelope.
The two sheets were identical, and said,
The styrofoam cube enclosed in this envelope is being included by the sender to meet a United States Postal Service regulation. This regulation requires the letter or package to be ¾ of an inch thick at its thickest point. The cube has no other purpose and may be disposed of upon opening this correspondence.
For any further questions or comments about the styrofoam cube only, please call 1-888-624-5990.
Now, there is so much wrong with this, that I hardly know where to start. Forget that StyrofoamTM is a trademark of the Dow Chemical Company and should …by law, be so noted. Forget that the enclosed bit was not a cube at all (it was supposed to be a parallelepiped, but it was smashed into a rhombus). I don’t care so much about clumsy or incorrect grammar and such (“is being included,” or “disposed of upon opening”). And I’m assuming I was given two notices by mistake (may I never find out that this is another regulation!)
No, this is just one of those freakishly weird regulations that none of us could possibly know about unless we’re in the business of sending dangerously, criminally thin packages. I see this as analogous to having to duck under a sign that says “WARNING, Low Sign / ¡ADVERTENCIA, Señal de baja! placed in accordance with the Officious, Unnecessary and Badly-Worded Signage Act of 2010”
I’m quite tempted to call that 888 number and… No, strike that. I don’t even want to know how many people staff that line at taxpayer expense. I think I’ll just slip the “cube” and the little sheets into the documents I’m mailing to the Governor (
). Maybe he’ll be amused. Maybe the package will look suspicious and get “special attention.”
We must oppose this unregulated regulation/lawless lawmaking madness with all our wits and might; and we must not waste any more time in this important endeavor.